


Hope and Loss

by Jayth



Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Blood and Injury, Cyberpunk 2077 Spoilers, F/F, Heavy Angst, Possible Character Death, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-15 08:14:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29061159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jayth/pseuds/Jayth
Summary: Judy has found a happy home with V and the Aldecaldos and finally has hope for the future. But in Judy's experience Loss always closely follows hope.
Relationships: Judy Alvarez/Female V
Comments: 33
Kudos: 138
Collections: Lizzie's Bar





	1. Chapter 1

Hope...

Loss...

The ever rotating cycle of hope and loss had always been a major theme in Judy's life. It's a major theme in everyone's life. Her journeys through that cycle didn't make her more special than anyone else. But, sometimes Judy couldn't help but think that she'd had far more trips through that cycle than anyone she knew, and it weighed heavily on her. She had developed a habit of always looking around the corner for that next bit of bad news. Anytime she found something good she always braced for the next gut punch. Waiting for the other shoe to drop.

First it was her parents. Judy never really knew them, but that didn't change the fact that she felt the weight of their absence. Was it fair to blame the dead for dying? She loved her grandparents dearly, but the bullies in Laguna Bend never got tired of reminding her that she didn't actually have parents. 

The firetruck. That beautiful fucking firetruck that she'd spent half a year rebuilding after she'd found it in the dump. Judy was so proud of that thing. She couldn't wait to show it to her grandfather. She knew he'd be so proud of what she'd managed to do with it. But, the elation of showing that firetruck to her grandfather all came crashing down around her when she was arrested for stealing it. The proud look she had imagined in her grandfather's eyes became fear, disappointment and anger. It all went to shit, and Judy went to Juvie.

Then there was Maiko, the hope Judy had for that woman crushed out by the realization of who Maiko actually was, and what she was capable of. The memories of what she actually did. She’d tried to double cross them, take clouds for herself.

Clouds. She really thought she was doing the right thing. Getting the dolls to take control from the claws. Judy had hoped to make it better, to give the dolls that worked there some control. But all her plan had managed to do was get Tom and some others killed, and the club closed. The plan had failed. Judy had failed. She'd failed the dolls, and Evelyn...

God, Evelyn. Judy had been devastated when she came home to find Evelyn in the bathtub. There was so much blood. She had such hope that everything would be okay if she could just find Evelyn, if she could just take care of her until she could heal. Evelyn's suicide still haunted Judy. That profound sense of guilt, and loss and anger that had washed over her when she got home that night and found her, still gnawed at her.

The only good thing that had come out of the whole fucking thing had been V. V had come out of nowhere and had been there through so much. She had been there every time Judy needed her. V had given Judy some hope in an otherwise terrible series of events. So when Judy found out that V was dying she wasn't surprised. When she found out that the item Evelyn had hired V to klep was what was killing the merc, it made sense. Yet again life gave her something to hope for, and yet again life was taking it away. But then... V didn't die. V found a way to survive.

After V attacked Arasaka tower and survived, Judy had hope that things would be different this time. Then she found out that V was still dying. V had only managed to extend her timer by about six months. Judy resigned herself to the fact that she would lose V, and decided that whatever happened she would be there for it. Even though it meant having all her hopes shattered yet again, she made the choice to be there for it. It had been almost a year and a half since Judy made that choice.

Judy leaned against a tent frame a good distance away from the fire at the center of the Aldecaldos camp. Smoke curled around her as she exhaled the most recent drag from her cigarette. A small grin tugged at the corners of her lips at the bawdy lyrics of the late night camp song as her eyes slid over the gathered Aldecaldos night owls. Things _had_ changed. Judy had found a family in the nomad clan. Together they managed to find a way to save V. There was hope again, and for the first time Judy found that she didn't feel the urge to look around the corner for what was going to take it away. For the first time that she could remember when she thought about the future she could actually see it, it wasn't just a fantasy coated by the grey mist of uncertainty and doubt. She felt like she could plan for it. V wasn't dying, Judy loved and was loved, and things were good. Judy had finally found a place she belonged and people that she belonged with. She had found someone who belonged to her and who she belonged to. For the first time Judy could remember she was happy, truly happy.

A quiet notification pinged on Judy’s holo and she couldn’t hide the small grin as the contact name popped up.

V: _Sorry if this wakes you up. Just wanted to let you know almost back home._

Judy's smile only grew wider as she replied.

Judy: _You know I'm awake. Can't sleep until I know you're in one piece._

V: _Still in one piece. Everything went well. Go get a couple hours sleep. I'll_ _wake you up when I get home. ;) I promise._

Judy arched an eyebrow at the last message, her smile becoming a smirk.

Judy: _Yeah? Promise? Exactly how do you plan on waking me up?_

_V: :P_

Judy let out a small bark of a laugh at V's reply, and her smirk grew. Well she could always just keep it interesting for V on the ride home?

Judy: _Gonna need a little more detail than that, mi calabacita._

Judy: _Tell me._

Judy's smirk was positively impish as she sent her message, and waited for the reply. She chuckled quietly to herself, and couldn't wipe that smirk off her face as she imagined V's flustered reaction to the last bit. Her amusement only increased the longer it took V to reply. She was quite proud of herself having apparently struck the ex-merc speechless for a time. Take that, V.   
  
  


V had called the camp home, and Judy turned that word over in her head for a bit as she looked around the camp again. Her smirk softened. Yeah, home. She had finally found her home in both the Aldecaldos, and in V. It wasn't quite like that at first. It took a while to get used to the customs and practices of life as a nomad. She was glad to be rid of Night City, but she did miss its conveniences. It took a while to adjust, but she did.

Judy let out a contented sigh as she pushed off the tent frame and made her way towards the gathered nomads around the fire. Judy stooped to grab a beer from the cooler, smiling as she found a spot to sit. She still wasn't going to be able to sleep until V got home, might as well make the best of it until then. Besides, she had to see what her girl would reply with. The corner of her mouth twitched up in a grin against the mouth of the bottle as she drank. V still hadn't figured out how to respond to Judy's request. Judy sat for a while, nursing her beer and listening to the campfire music. Just enjoying the company and the quiet conversation.

When Judy finally checked the time again she realized it'd been well over an hour since she sent her message to V, and still no response. That was weird. She frowned slightly and stood up. Her bottle got tossed in a barrel and she dusted off her pants as she moved back to the tent she had been leaning on earlier. She lit another cigarette as she sent out another quick message to V.

Judy: _Cat got your tongue?_

She smiled softly as she sent the message out and took a drag from the cigarette. She leaned her head back against the tent frame and looked up at the stars, exhaling smoke slowly.

A small commotion from the communications tent caught Judy's attention. Her smile shifting into a curious expression, her head tilting slightly. She took another pull from her cigarette as she watched one of the young techs rush off into the rows of tents. Her eyes narrowed slightly as she tracked the young man. Curiosity became concern and then that concerned expression slipped further into a frown as she saw him head right to Panam's tent. Judy felt her heart speed up. Whatever it was it must have been important to dare waking the clan's leader at this time of night. Something wasn't right, Judy could feel it. She could sense it. Something felt familiar. “Shit...” she muttered as she took a last pull from her cigarette and flicked it to the ground. As Panam came marching out of her tent, the Aldecaldos camp came to life.

Within minutes the camp went from a quiet murmur to an anxious buzz all around Judy. One of the older medics passed by, and tapped Judy's arm with a nod towards one of the larger tents in camp. “Need help clearing it out and setting it up.” he said and kept walking, no doubt that the young woman would follow and do her part.

Judy spared a quick glance for the com tent before she followed the man. “How bad is it?” She asked as she took a few jogging steps to catch up with him. “how far out's the party?” That had to be it. The war party that left to take care of an encroaching group of Raffen was due back in the morning. That was part of the reason Judy had been up so late. V was with that war party. When an answer to her question didn't come quick enough for her she asked again. “How bad?” 

“Not good.” the medic replied simply.

Judy stopped in her tracks. Well, that answer didn't ease her worry at all. “Fuck.” She took a moment to fire off a couple messages to V. Just to check.

Judy: _V? What happened?_

Judy: _You okay?_

Judy waited a moment for a reply and when one didn't come she fired off another.

Judy: _V answer me._

Judy grumbled softly and took off in a jog after the nomad medic.

The large tent was swarming with people packing things up and clearing it out while more people were filling the tent right back up again with beds and medical equipment. The medics and ripperdocs were directing the group on where to take things and where to set them up as they prepared what was now a makeshift field hospital Judy couldn't help but wonder how many people were hurt and if V was one of them. Judy let out a small hiss as she pinched her hand on one of the clasps of the rugged equipment box but she was grateful for the distraction and used it to pull her mind away from that nagging worry about V. Worrying about it right now wouldn't do her any good, she'd see the damage when V got back. Not worrying was a lot harder when she wasn't getting replies to her text messages. But she figured that V must be busy with whatever it was that had happened. That had to be it. She didn't have the time to type out a text response. So, while she was helping to set up the makeshift medical tent, Judy decided to just call V. 

There was no answer. Judy called again and left a message this time. “Answer your Goddamn fucking phone, Valerie.” Well, that was a little more hostile than she intended. She paused briefly and added “Please...” to soften it a bit. She cut the connection and got back to work. So much for not worrying. 

  
  


Judy heard the convoy before she saw them, a low rumble of heavy trucks in the distance. She glanced off in the direction of the noise and caught a glimpse of the glow of the vehicle lights. She must have stared in that direction for a while because it took someone's hand on her shoulder and a quick shake to catch her attention. “Sorry.” She muttered softly and headed back into the tent. A tense, staticky feeling settled over her as she set to work setting up a bare bones medical bed. The rumbling of the returning party growing ever louder in the background. She turned her head to glance around the nearly finished tent and moved to help out where she could, forcing herself to focus on the task in front of her. No thinking, just doing. That strategy had served Judy well many times before, and it worked this time too as the war party arrived in camp, and the injured started being rushed into the tent.

“BULLSHIT!” that was Panam's voice. That one word from the Aldecaldos leader cut through the rumble of vehicles, the hustle and bustle and sounds of the medical tent, the rest of the camp, and Judy's focus. She looked up, blinking a few times, brows knitting together as she took a few steps towards the tent's entrance. She glanced around the injured who had already been carted into the tent, and at those who were still coming in. Where was V?

“You’re sure? That’s not...” Panam again, more frantic this time her words trailing off.. was that a sob? “Who else? How many?” 

Judy could tell the woman wasn't too far from the tent. The convoy had pulled up as close as they could. Her feet carried her closer to the outside. She felt like she was floating. Why did Panam sound like that? She reached the doorway of the tent and peeked out. She had to move a little to get out of the way of incoming patients and slowly slid fully out of the tent. Her eyes locked on one of the men being carted in. As the man disappeared into the tent her focus shifted back towards the convoy and met Mitch's gaze across the short distance. Mitch had his arms wrapped around Panam, and he gave her a slight nudge. Panam moved away from him, her attention shifted and her eyes locked on Judy. Judy saw everything she needed to know in their eyes. She saw everything she didn’t want to hear. The other shoe.

Judy stared at the pair for what felt like hours as the world closed in around her. The edges of her vision darkened and everything moved in slow motion. It felt like she was trapped deep underwater and her air tank had run out. Judy gasped as she finally remembered to take a breath and the world popped back into focus. The low muffled and garbled sound of the chaos around her came crashing in. She watched as Panam took a step towards her, then another. Nope! Fuck that! Judy's face screwed up and she shook her head. She wanted nothing to do with anything the other woman was going to say. She shook her head again mouthing a dismissive ‘no’ and turned on her heel, fleeing back into the medical tent.

“Judy...” Panam's voice sounded unbelievably small to Judy. She sounded tired. It pissed the tech off. She busied herself with setting up a tray next to one of the empty beds.

  
  


“No.” It was a statement. She wasn't questioning, she wasn't pleading. Just. No.

  
  


“Judy, we need to talk.” Panam sounded so quiet. It was enough to give Judy pause and her hands faltered as she set out one of the instruments on the tray. She just stopped as she felt the anger bubble up in her. Judy tried to take a few calming breaths but they only caught in her throat. That also pissed Judy off.

  
  


“No.” Her expression screwed up again. Her head shook. “Nah, we ain’t got nothin’ to talk about.” Judy couldn't stop the anger. Anger was comfortable. Her hands lashed out and scattered the neatly placed tools all over the tray she had just been working on and stalked past Panam. “Fuck this shit.” Judy felt a small pang of guilt as she left. Panam was probably hurting too, from the sounds and look of things she had so much more to worry about. Anger quickly drowned out the guilt though. It always did. 

Judy stalked out of the makeshift field hospital, frowning intensely at the ground. Her feet carried her towards the tent she shared with V. She stopped abruptly as she heard and felt someone approach her. She saw the worn boots on the ground and her head snapped up to find Mitch and his sad puppy eyes reaching towards her. “I'm so sorry, Jude..” Oh God, he was going to hug her. He was giving her the sympathy speech. The bubbling anger came rushing out in a tidal wave of rage as she jerked away from him, her arm swinging up to knock his arms away.

“The _fuck_ you sorry about?” she snarled at the man, her expression incredulous, eyes wild. Mitch backed off, his hands raised as if to show her he meant her no harm. Judy just stared at him for a moment “Just..” Judy raised her own hands, pushing out at the air.. “Stop.. I .. “ When she couldn't find the words she shook her head, flailed her hands uselessly and resumed course to her tent.

She stormed into the tent, snagging the small folding chair by the door as she did and flung it as hard as she could with a growl. Judy watched with satisfaction as the chair took out the small table next to their bed. Then panic settled in as she heard glass shatter and she rushed after the chair. “nonono...Fuck.” back to anger as she tossed the chair back towards the front of the tent to reach for the small picture frame that had been on the bedside table. The frame held a picture of her and V. It was just after V's condition had been fixed. When they'd found out V was going to live. Judy couldn't tear her eyes away from the photo so she just stood there, staring at it.

“Judy...” Panam had slipped into the tent without Judy noticing.

“Don't want to hear it, Panam.” Judy continued to stare at the photo.

“I know. You think I want to say it? But, she's go-” 

  
  


“I swear to God, Pan if you finish that fucking sentence..” Judy didn't move, but her eyes shifted from the photo to the woman standing in the door of her tent. She didn't yell, but her voice was hard, and rough. She let the threat hang, not exactly sure what she would do if Panam finished the sentence, but she knew she would do something. The pair of them stood just looking at each other until a noise just outside the tent broke them out of it.

“We're ready to roll out in five.” Mitch's voice came from a small crack in the tent flap and Panam nodded. 

“We lost a lot of good people today Judy. I'm sorry V was one of them.” Panam said, her voice cracking slightly as she slipped out of the tent.

The picture frame slammed hard against the flap as Judy flung it with a wordless yell. “Fuck.” Judy stalked back across the tent to snatch the picture back up, a string of curses in Spanish flowing freely from her lips as she quickly dusted the now battered frame off to inspect the photo for damage. Judy breathed out a sigh of relief when the photo appeared fine. She carefully carried it back over to the nightstand she clobbered with the chair and picked it back up. She placed the frame back down and shifted it's position around a few times trying to make sure it was exactly where it was supposed to be as she silently boiled. “Fuck you.” she growled at the picture. Suddenly Judy gasped, her head jerked towards the tent flap eyes wide. Ready to roll out in five?

“God Damn it!” Judy's voice was somewhere between a shout and a snarl as she bolted out of the tent snagging her small ready-go bag on the way. She shrugged the pack over her shoulder, keeping her head down her natural dark hair falling forward to shield her face from the other nomads in the camp. She could feel them looking at her, she didn't want to deal with their stupid sad faces, and their stupid sad eyes. Her shoulder hitched again as she resettled the pack, swerving around people as she stalked towards the sound of the trucks going out gearing herself up for a fight with Panam.

As luck would have it, Panam was busy looking over a map with Mitch. Judy was able to slip by and climb into the back of one of the covered trucks. She slid her pack under the bench seat and leaned forward resting her elbows on her knees and her chin on her hands, heel tapping rapidly against the floor. There was movement next to her and she turned just in time to see a friendly hand moving towards her shoulder. “You wanna keep it?” her voice was low and dangerous, her eyes flicking from the hand to its owner with a steely glare. The hand slowly retreated back into its owner's lap and Judy felt the nomad shift away from her slightly, giving her a little more space. Judy grunted and turned her glare back to the floor, knees resuming it’s bouncing as her feet settled into familiar self soothing patterns. 

“What are you doing, Judy?” Damn, Panam did see her. Judy blew out a frustrated sigh, and continued to stare at the floor of the truck.

“Search and Rescue. I'm going.” Simple and stubborn.

“Recovery.” Panam corrected softly. “And no, you're not. Come on. Get out.”

“I'm going.” Judy stated again, deliberately not looking at the Aldecaldos leader.

“Trust me, girl. You don't want to see this.” Mitch decided to chime in. “When you think about...” Judy tensed and Mitch must have seen it.. or sensed something because he cut himself off and reconsidered his words. Judy was grateful. “What you'll see out there isn't what you'll want to remember. Once you see it you won't be able to forget it, and it’s all you’ll be able to remember. You don't need to see this.”

Judy finally looked up and fixed a defiant glare on Mitch and Panam, her jaw set stubbornly and she said nothing. An eyebrow quirked up in a final act of defiance, Judy dared them to try and make her stay at camp.

Ages passed in a moment as they all just looked at each other before Mitch sucked in a breath and let it out in a heavy sigh. He thumped his hand against the back of the truck. “You'll regret it.” He warned wearily. He eyed Judy one last time before he shrugged and turned to leave. “We gotta go, Pan.”

Panam was clearly surprised at being abandoned so quickly by Mitch. She blinked a few times her head snapping to watch Mitch's back as he disappeared around the side of the truck. She huffed slightly and threw her hands up with a frustrated growl. Judy maintained her defiant expression when Panam glanced at her again. Panam huffed once more and stomped after Mitch. “Hey! Last time I checked, I was the one in charge around here.”

“Pick your battles, Pan.” Mitch's voice trailed off as they got further from the truck. “You know how parents curse their kids by telling them they hope they have children just like them?”

Once the pair of them were gone and she couldn't hear their voices anymore Judy let out the breath she'd been holding and deflated. Her shoulders sagged, and her head dropped briefly as she brought her hands up to clasp at the nape of her neck. She stayed like that for a few moments before she resumed her previous position. She glanced around at the people in the back of the truck with her and when her eyes landed on one of them staring at her her top lip twitched up. “What?” she snapped and then rolled her eyes and looked out the back of the truck as she heard the engines rev. The truck jerked slightly, her body shifting as the truck started moving. Looked like she was going after all.

The ride was long, and Judy passed it in seething silence. Some of the others in the truck had leaned back against the covering and had fallen asleep on the bumpy ride, while others had hushed conversations. Every so often Judy would hear a small sniff or sob that made her lip twitch. She wasn't at crying yet. She was holding onto her anger and denial as hard as she could. Judy did not sleep, she couldn't. She just sat and seethed, reaching up to swat at her hair tickling her cheek. When the swat did nothing to get rid of the tickle she ran her hand over her face and was confused to find her cheek damp. “Stop it.” she muttered to herself as she wiped away the rest of the tears she hadn't realized she was crying. She took in a slow breath and gave her head a little shake. Stop it. She's not... She's out there. She's fine. We'll find her and she'll be fine. Judy kept repeating that in her head, and it was the only thing that kept her from jumping up and pacing up and down the truck for the rest of the ride. She leaned slightly, reaching into her pocket and pulled out a small silver case. She popped the case open and pulled out a cigarette and tapped it a few times against the top of the case. She scooted closer to the end of her bench near the back of the truck and lit the cigarette. She took a long pull and rested her forearms against the top of the tailgate as she looked out at the back and at the lights of the truck behind.

By the time the convoy got to the site, the sky was filled with the first morning rays of light and Judy had already gone through several cigarettes. She perked up as the truck rolled to a slow stop. Her nose wrinkled at the strange acrid smell in the air. She shifted as people started gathering their gear and reached for her pack. The others had started to climb out of the truck, ready to get to the unpleasant work and be done with it and Judy followed. She took a steadying breath trying to steel herself for what she was about to see, and stepped around from the back of the truck. Judy stopped in her tracks, her eyes going wide and mouth falling open. There were four heaps of twisted burning wreckage that had once been nomad vehicles. Smoke was still curling off of one of them as... whatever was still inside still smoldered. “what the...” It felt like she was trying to walk through water as the nomads got to the nasty business of salvage and body recovery. They needed to bury their dead. Judy held back, looking on in horror. Mitch and Panam were right, she'd never tell them, but they were right. She shouldn't have come. She could barely lift her feet to walk and had to look down as she stumbled on something. It was a shoe.. still on a foot that wasn't attached to anyone. A strangled sound escaped Judy as she just stared at it. She backed away, her head shaking as she stumbled further towards the wreckage. If V was in one of those trucks...

Judy sat her pack down and closed her eyes for a moment, shaking her head trying to get her thoughts under control. She was here to help. Why did she even come? Get it together Jude. But she found that whatever hope she'd managed to keep hold of until now was quickly fading away. She moved slowly in a daze towards a group around one of the vehicles, and watched as they pulled a badly burned body out and wrapped it carefully in a tarp. That was it. That was Judy's breaking point. She let out a strangled sound and turned on her heel running towards the other side of the dirt road. She crashed to her knees as her stomach emptied its contents over the steep rocky embankment. 

She stayed that way for a few moments, trying to catch her breath. She couldn't stop thinking about wreckage she had just been looking at. She could barely tell they had been vehicles once. She couldn't get the image of that body being wrapped up out of her head either. If V had been in one of those cars.. Judy dug her hands into the rocks and sand at the edge of the hill she was on. And dear God that _smell_. It smelled like smoke and oil and fuel and... Judy lost it again. She didn't think there was any possible way she had anything left to throw up, but somehow..she did.. There she sat, looking out over that steep hill breathing hard through her mouth to try and settle the rolling waves of nausea. She finally reached up to swipe at the tears in the corner of her eyes. Her breathing started to slow as she let her gaze wander over the hill. She needed to look at something, anything but the wreckage of the convoy behind her. What was she thinking coming out here? What did she think it would accomplish? She should have listened. What did she actually think she would find here? There was nothing here but grief, and death and... loss.

Judy's brow furrowed slightly, her head tilted. She squinted at something further down the hill. Her lips parted slightly as she tried to make out what it was that caught her attention, but her eyes lost it in all the rocks and rubble and.. “What...” there was a small gasp from the woman as she recognized the sleeve of a jacket, and the arm it was on. Bits of the sleeve were charred away as were bits of the arm and hand but... the tech's eyes followed the arm. “V?” her voice was quiet, disbelieving and unsure. Before Judy could even think about it she'd launched herself down the steep embankment. Her descent was anything but controlled, one part running, one part falling and all parts sliding and flailing. 

Hope.

She paid no mind to how fast she was going, or the rocks and dirt biting into her legs, arms, and everything in between . Torn clothes and blood didn't matter a bit to her as she made her way down. Panic only happened when it came time to stop. Judy tried to put on the breaks only to slide down past her target at an alarming speed. “no nonono..” when she finally came to a stop she spared a glance for another nomad further down. He was moving, terribly injured, but moving. “We're here..” She called to him, her eyes wide and wild. One more glance for the man below, before she started back up the hill. She scrabbled her way back towards what she knew... hoped was V. The scrapes and cuts from the climb didn’t matter, all that mattered was getting to V.

Finally she made it..and Judy couldn't help the sob that came out of her as she looked at V, broken, bloody and burnt. She sat, dumbfounded as she took in V's tangled and crumpled form. Her body was bent and twisted at impossible angles. V was missing a shoe, and the foot along with it. One arm was completely gone from the elbow down. She was pinned between two rocks and peppered with scrapes and cuts and burns. V's hair was gone, her scalp burnt and melted. She looked like a toy doll that had been plucked from a fire. “V!” It wasn't a scream that came from Judy. It was a throat breaking bellow that carried all of her rage, fear, and sadness. She reached out towards V's face, her hand stopping short afraid to touch her. There was no movement from V. 

Loss.

Instinctively Judy grabbed V's remaining hand and moved to shield V's body as rocks and dirt and pebbles started rolling down the hill towards them, doing whatever she could to protect what was left of her V. “I'm here.. it's gonna be okay.” She whispered in the huddle. “Be alive, be alive.. please.. “

Judy's eyes flickered again over the wreckage of V's body. Was it cruel to even wish for that in V's condition? She could be fixed, they could do amazing things these days. “Just... Please.” Other nomads had reached her and she glanced up at them. “Someone else too..” she managed out. Her voice was hoarse, scratchy and barely above a whisper. She pointed with her free hand. The first nomads that arrived moved further down. Panam and Mitch and a few others stayed with Judy and V and Judy just looked up at them. Everyone almost seemed at a loss for what to do. Then Judy felt pressure on her hand. The one that was holding V's. Confusion flickered across her face as she looked at their hands and there was another, weak squeeze. She stared for a moment, blinking and then back up at Mitch and Panam. 

Hope.


	2. Life and Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> V's perspective of the events of Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to Ren and Punchin' Angy, and to everyone in Lizzie's Bar for their help and encouragement. Thank you all so much!

Death.

V was no stranger to death. She dealt with it on an almost daily basis for most of her adult life. The delicate balance between life and death was familiar to her. Arasaka had honed in her the ability to break it down into numbers. Life and death reduced to an equation. Simple. Run the numbers and find out which lives, or secrets were worth which deaths and how many. Easy. Until you started thinking about the people behind the numbers. But V couldn't think about that. Not if she wanted to climb that corporate ladder. She played her part as the solution to the answers the equation delivered. She climbed.

When V made it to counter intelligence she learned that the equation was just one step in the greater numbers game. Counter-intel was where the serious players ended up. V thrived. Seeing the moving parts, helping to guide how the numbers were calculated, and how the equation functioned. It was easy to separate herself from the emotions when everything was behind reports and strategy. It was never completely out of mind that the pawns on the board were actual people, it just didn't matter. It wasn't advantageous to get distracted by emotions when there was also the inner corporation battle politics to worry about.

No one really ever escaped the corpo politics. You couldn't get around it. It was all about not being sloppy, and not getting caught. V's boss got sloppy, and V got caught in the fallout. When she was terminated from Arasaka it honestly felt like she was dying. At first V had almost wished Jackie hadn't stopped them from taking her. Everything she had worked for her entire life was taken in the blink of an eye. Her money, her power, her fucking apartment, gone. All of it. Her implants stopped functioning and with them the chemicals that kept her hormones and emotions in check. Hell she even lost her goddamn life coach. Her whole life was gone. That's what dying was right? Losing ones life.

Jackie gave her a new life. The merc she sometimes hired eventually became something of a friend to her. That merc picked her up and dragged her ass home with him when she had lost everything. When she had nowhere to live and no purpose, Jackie gave her that too. Jackie became her brother. One thing V still had left from her time at Arasaka were the skills. She was good at gathering and analyzing intel, she was good at planning and executing ops, and she was good at killing. She was good at the numbers game. So, she became a Merc. A monster for hire. The first thing V noticed about life down in the dirt was that it was almost exactly the same as corpo life. It just wasn't dressed as pretty. She was back in the numbers game. Assigning the numbers, plugging them into the equation and executing the solution. But this time, she could feel it all. At least it was something. It was some sort of life.

Then V died. The heist was cursed from the start and though she couldn't put a finger on it she knew something was off. But Jackie was so excited, and V chalked it up to nerves. The heist was putting her up against Arasaka and it was the biggest job she'd had since getting the boot. But it all went to shit. She should have trusted her instincts. Things were overlooked. Information was missed. Jackie.. God Jackie had died and before he had he'd put that goddamned chip in her head. Then Dex put a bullet in her head shortly after. The chip brought her back to life, for a time.

The second time V died was at Mikoshi, when a rogue AI untangled her from the engram of Johnny Silverhand. She'd essentially had to kill V in order to do it. The news that the body she was born with would reject her, and essentially belonged to Johnny gave her pause. There was a moment when she considered just letting go, letting Johnny have it. But she'd found something, somebody to live for. Judy. She had to go back. 

She found a new home and a new life with Judy and the Aldecaldos, it wasn't a lifestyle she was used to but she adapted quickly. Together they managed to find a solution to her problem. She was free and clear of a looming threat of death over her head.

Life.

V was sprawled out on her stomach head propped up against a pair of binoculars. “You see that ridge to the east?” she said quietly to Mitch next to her. He was lying in a similar position. She pointed across. “Right there. Sniper there, and...” She moved her finger to indicate another ridge. “and there.” It was back to the numbers game. Life and death reduced to numbers and probability. This was familiar and V settled into the role easily. “one here.” Their position atop a ridge. They'd been observing the Raffen camp for the better part of two days in shifts. Both with their own eyes and through drones. Learning their patterns and shifts. V laid out an idea for a plan of attack for Mitch to consider. “They outnumber us but, from the way this group moves.. it shouldn't be too difficult. We may lose a few but it's probably our best chance” The equation. Reducing people to data and numbers. Potential losses weighed against potential gains. What was acceptable? The camp had equipment and vehicles that the Aldecaldos could put to good use. They were a threat. A pack of Raffen this close to their main camp was a risk. Get them before they get you.

'Coming up for shift change.' A twitch of the eye and a small jerk of her arm were the only signs that the sudden voice through the com link had startled her. 'In position'

V arched an eyebrow at Mitch and shifted slightly bringing up the field glasses. She peered in the direction of the second observation point and then gave a small nod. She and Mitch eased their way back from the ledge, low crawling until they were further back before finally being able to stand. V lifted her face to the sky, her eyes closing against the early-morning sun. She let out a long breath. She rolled her shoulders. Another deep breath. Out of the numbers game for the moment. “Ready to head back to camp?” She headed over towards their hidden bikes. 

“Yeah.” Mitch came up to his bike and V felt him studying her. “You good?” V just grunted in response. She hated slipping back into that mindset. She also loved it, and she hated that she loved it. It made her feel powerful and in control. Superior. What did loving that feeling say about her? She shrugged and glanced at the ground. 

“I'll be alright.” She would be. Eventually. She walked the small recon bike a little before hopping on and starting it up. It growled to life.

The ride back to the temporary camp was fairly short. They'd set up a little over two miles from their observation points. V pulled the bike into the carrier truck, pulling it into a free spot. She dusted herself off as she made her way back out. A quiet notification ping from her phone, and V couldn't stop the grin that spread across her face as the name popped up.

_Jude: Morning. I miss you._

“Well, You look like you're in a much better mood.” Mitch said with a chuckle. “Tell Judy I said hi.” V's stupid gonk grin just got wider as she ducked her head a little, running a hand through her hair to knock some of the sand and dust out of it. 

“Lets just get some breakfast.” She said, unable to keep the chuckle out of her voice. She sat in a chair by the fire pit, reaching for a bowl and spooning out some of the camp stew. Breakfast of champions. Soon she was pulling her phone back out to answer Judy.

  
  


_V: Morning. Miss you too. Mitch says hi._

_Jude: Sleep well? Tell Mitch I said hi back?_

_V: Haven't slept yet. Eating breakfast. Then sleep._

_V: Oh! Make sure Pan's eating. Don't want to get back to find her starved to_ _death in her tent because she forgot._

_I think we'll_ _probably be heading back_ _soon._

_Jude: Will do, if she kills me for bothering her it's on your head. I hope you're_ _heading back soon. Just make_

_sure you get back here in one piece._

_Jude: Gotta go though, lot of shit to do today. <3\. _

_V: <3 _

V looked up as she put her phone away to find Mitch just grinning at her. “You're hopeless.” V just laughed softly and shook her head. She picked her bowl back up and started eating her breakfast stew. Mitch wasn't wrong. V was hopeless. She could be in the worst mood and all it took was a little time with Judy and she felt recharged and ready to take on the world. Judy's quiet acceptance of her and all her faults never failed to amaze V. If the stories of all the terrible things she'd done ever bothered the tech, she never showed it. Never even batted an eyelash. V couldn't understand it, she didn't know if she'd ever be able to understand it. She was grateful for it though, and she was terrified of losing it. Judy made her want to try and be a good person. “V!” Mitch's voice shook her out of her thoughts as she glanced back over at the man. He only laughed. “Jesus Christ V.” Mitch couldn't stop laughing. 

“Yeah yeah.” V muttered at the man, still unable to stop grinning as she finally made an effort to finish her breakfast stew. “I can't help it.” She shrugged as she finally managed to take a bite. Another bite. “I miss her.” Another shrug. V glanced around the small temporary camp, the other members of the war party were either sleeping, or making sure the equipment was good to go when it was needed. Everyone else was busy. She eyed Mitch for a moment, studying him.. and then finished off her stew by drinking it directly from the bowl. “If I show you something you can not tell Panam I showed you first. Or I will deny everything and you'll die of natural causes in your sleep.” V winced slightly at the flicker of alarm in Mitch's expression at her words. But she relaxed a little when the man laughed and mimed zipping his lips. V eyed him a moment longer before nodding and setting her bowl aside.

She shifted slightly, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a small box. V stared at the box for a moment before she opened it and tilted it towards Mitch with an almost sheepish smile. She watched his reaction carefully. His eyebrows shot up and he looked up at her. “How long you been carrying that around?” V winced and shrugged as she snapped the box shut and put it back in her pocket. 

“Last time we made a run to that little town to the east?” She offers up, finding the inside of her coffee mug extremely interesting.

“That was two months ago, V. Why haven't you asked her yet?” His question just got another shrug. 

“Haven't found the right time.. Or place. I want to make sure it's just right. You know?” V could tell from Mitch's expression he wasn't buying it. She struggled for a moment trying to find the right words. “What if she says no?” It didn't sound nearly as ridiculous to V as Mitch's expression made it out to be. “It's a big thing! What if… What if, when I ask her she realizes she really does deserve better and says no?” She frowned at Mitch and that stupid expression of his. “Why are you looking at me like that? It’s very possible!” Okay now his expression was just getting annoying. “Why'd I even show you?” Asshole.

“No! Nono.. I'm just trying to make sure I understand what you're telling me here.” Mitch started. The bastard looked like he was trying to keep himself from laughing. V did not appreciate it at all. This wasn't funny! “You're telling me you're worried that the woman who packed up her entire life at a moment's notice to run away with a group of nomads she'd never met just to be with you... That woman is going to say no?” V narrowed her eyes at Mitch, but he wasn't done. “You think that the woman who's put up with all of your shit for the better part of two years, and still looks at you like you're the most amazing thing ever, and trust me everyone's noticed it. You're worried **that** woman is going to say no when you ask her to marry you?” When Mitch said it like that, it did seem kind of silly. V knew Judy loved her, and she loved Judy. But still, what if she fucked it up? What if Judy finally came to her senses and didn't want anything else to do with her? V wasn't sure she'd be able handle that. Everything was working fine the way it was. You start making changes to things and.. things change, and sometimes they break. V was already broken enough, she didn't need anything else breaking. 

“Mitch.. She deserves better.” Was all V could manage out.

Mitch just shook his head. “You're an idiot. Ask that woman to marry you. When we get home.” There was a nasty little glint in his eye that V did not care for at all. “Or, death threat be damned, I am telling Panam.” Fuck. This was a mistake. This was a huge mistake. “She will knock some sense into you.” Fuck. “Seriously V, There's no way she’s gonna say no. Trust me. Ask her. You'll regret it if you don't.”

“I regret telling you about it.” V took the sting out of her words with a small nervous laugh. “I'm just...” She one eye squeezed shut as she looked over at the man. “I should ask her.” She nodded again. “When we get home.” She let out a shaky breath.

“I'm going to get some shut-eye.” V returned Mitches smile, and she nodded again. “You should too, V.” V just nodded.

  
  


As evening fell, the war party had settled on their plan of attack and they were in the process of gearing up to carry it out. V was checking her equipment, and double checking it again. She inspected every inch of her bike, and then her guns. The pre-fight jitters settling over her. The anticipation of the fight to come, and the adrenaline rush that came with it as she prepared herself. The preparation had become a ritual over the years, calming and focusing all that nervous energy into something useful. Recently a new step had been added to the ritual. V pulled out her phone.

_V: I love you._

The first time she had done that was just before she went under for the treatment that eventually saved her life. She wasn't sure if she would wake up. From there it became just a thing she did anytime she found herself rushing headlong into a dangerous situation. It was a way to tell Judy everything at once. The response was almost instant.

_Jude: I love you too. I'm here waiting._

A reminder that she had something to come home to. Someone waiting on her to come home. V just smiled softly as she ran through her checks one final time. Having someone waiting for her to come home made her more cautious which had it's good and bad sides. But, it also made her far more determined to make it out of situations in one piece. 

They went over the plan once more, making sure everyone knew their job and position. V nodded. “Any questions?” There didn't seem to be any and V nodded again. “Alright. Get your gear, get suited up.. then we go.” She smiled and did just that. Slipping into the armored jacket that carried her through so much of her time in Night City and since then. The thing was damn near indestructible. Didn't pay to skimp on the armor in Night City or the badlands, especially as a merc.

  
  


Night had fallen, and V crouched on the overlook she and Mitch had been on that morning. V closed her eyes and let the coldness slip in and wrap around her. She felt that familiar numbness settle over her, giving in to the cold and calculating monster. She activated her com-link. “Check in. Alpha?” in position. “Bravo?” In position. “Charlie.” The third voice checking in echoed for her as she heard it both next to her and through the link. 

_“_ Rolling past checkpoint one.” Another voice over the link said, V could hear the nervousness in the man's voice.

“Keep it slow and quiet.” Calm. Collected. V was in her element here and it was obvious. She brought up the binoculars and watched the camp. It wasn't a huge pack of Raffen, and they seemed none the wiser to their impending doom which was good. She watched as a group of the larger men shoved one of the scrawnier members around roughly. Vermin. Her eyes flicked around the camp taking note of positions and alertness. 

_“_ Checkpoint 2.” V shifted her gaze towards where the convoy should be coming from, flipping on the night vision of the binoculars. She spotted the lead truck, and then looked back to the camp. Some of the group were starting to notice the soft rumble of the approaching attack vehicles.

“Showtime.” She said through the link. “Let'em know you're there.” Cold. She felt a corner of her mouth twitch up as the approaching nomad vehicles revved loudly and picked up speed, and every headlight and spotlight they had popped on. “Give'em hell.” She watched as the camp started to scatter, preparing to defend themselves. She focused on one of the large bullies she'd watched before, scanning him from the overlook. “Snipers. Go.” Using the distraction of the approaching vehicles and the chaos of it to snipe without giving their positions away quickly.. She barely heard the reports of the suppressed snipers over the roar of the convoy. Her scan complete, she burned through the Raffen's ICE and she had him. She quickly loaded up a spreading virus. It took only a couple of seconds before it was working its way through the camp. V smirked as she shoved her helmet on her head and mounted her bike. She walked it away from her sniper and then kicked it to life and entered the fight. 

The fight was quick, the war party had lost two of their own bikes. Several of the vehicles were badly damaged, but they still worked. Two of the Aldecaldos were seriously injured and a few more had taken minor wounds, but no one had died. It had gone better than V expected. She'd only taken a few grazing shots, herself. Nothing more than a few scratches really. Her bike was toast but she was fine. She walked through the camp with the group, making sure they hadn’t missed anyone. They scavenged what they could from the bodies and tents. Armor, weapons, keys. So much death all around. She made her way to stand next to Mitch. “Good haul.” her tone flat, nearly emotionless as she watched the others loading stuff into their cars. “That tanker of theirs will need a quick patch before we take it. Their com-van will be useful.” Their injured had already been rushed back to the waiting medtruck and then back to the temporary camp. “Few less Raffens in the world to worry about.” They had lost two bikes, but the Raffens had plenty for them to load up and take. She keyed her com-link again. “Let's wrap it up. Get this shit back to camp, and then get our asses home.” 

Once back at the temporary camp, V stopped by the medtruck to check on their wounded. Reluctantly she allowed her wounds to be treated too. She barely felt the wounds but a couple of them required stitches. “They good to be moved?” They were and V nodded. Good. She was eager to be out of here, and away from that Raffen camp. She made her rounds through the camp checking on the quick patches and repairs. 

“You good, V?” Mitch's voice surprised V and she eyed the man for a moment before she shrugged, and moved over to her small tent to start breaking it down. She felt great. She loved watching plans work as well as that one did. She felt powerful, and satisfied at a job well done. The ability to see a problem, craft a solution and follow it through to the end with the other guy taking the most losses. The adrenaline rush of the fight. It felt _good._ It terrified her. It felt amazing, and she hated it. She was afraid that she would lose herself to it again, it was familiar and it was so easy to slip into that mindset. Packing up her tent helped. Another ritual to bring her back to the world of the feeling. She looked over to where Mitch was packing up his tent as well.

“I'm fine. Just...” She wasn't exactly sure how to describe it. “re-booting, I guess.” it was the best she could come up with. It seemed to work because he nodded. “Ready to get home.” She arched an eyebrow when Mitch looked at her and then she smiled, an actual smile. It was small, but it was real. “I haven't forgotten.” Then she chuckled softly at the man's nod. She was starting to come out of it, back to being human again. Judy was her tether, her anchor. She was able to pull V back in when she was afraid she'd drift too far. V desperately wanted to be the person that Judy thought she was, and that was enough to lock the monster back in its cage.

Finally the camp had been broken down and packed up, the recovered bikes loaded in the carrier truck, new vehicles assigned drivers and they were ready to go home. There was a certain lightness in the air, excitement and relief that it was all over. Jokes were going around, the party needing a bit of levity in the wake of all the death of the past few hours. “yeah yeah.. just get in the fuckin' van, Mac.” V shook her head and looked back at the rest of the convoy, she lifted her chin to Mitch in the truck behind her as she zipped up her jacket against the cold of the desert night. She climbed into the van behind Mac and shut the door. Over the com-link Mitch gave the order to roll out and maintain distance. V leaned her head back against the wall of the van and let herself relax a bit. 

V's mind wandered over the events of the night. Her nose wrinkled slightly at the memories. The smell of death and blood in the air, the screams and yells. She felt herself shudder slightly as she finally let herself feel it. Guilt. They were Raffen Shiv, outcasts from the outcasts. They were the nomads that no clan wanted. The psychotic, the murderers, rapists, kin killers. Should she really feel guilt about their deaths? It was better to strike first than be taken by surprise like the Raffen pack had been. V let her eyes close and sucked in a deep breath. Fuck. She grunted softly and pulled her phone out.

_V: Sorry if this wakes you up. Just wanted to let you know almost back home._

V already felt her mood lightening a bit as she waited for Judy's reply. She knew the woman wasn't asleep. She knew Judy wouldn't sleep until she heard a brief after action report. Her phone chimed, and V's grin widened. 

_Jude: You know I'm awake. Can't sleep until I know you're in one piece._

_V: Still in one piece. Everything went well. Go get a couple hours sleep. I'll wake you up when I get home. ;) I promise._

Now V could feel her stupid grin growing. “Who ya talkin' to?” Mac was laughing as he asked. V just narrowed her eyes at him but the effect was ruined by the fact that she couldn't wipe that gonk grin off her face. 

“Mind ya' own business, Mac.” V managed out with a laugh. When her phone chimed again, it instantly had her attention. 

_Jude: Yeah? Promise? Exactly how do you plan on waking me up?_

V just smirked at Judy's reply, an eyebrow arched. Well then! She chuckled softly at herself as she tapped in her reply.

_V: :P_

That should get her point across fairly well. She hoped at least.

_Jude: Gonna need a little more detail than that, mi calabacita._

_Jude: Tell me._

Oh, Fuck.. Jude. Really? Her grin turned positively goofy at the reply and she could feel her ears burning. There was no doubt that her face was bright red. Jesus Jude. V fumbled a bit as she started to type out a response. “Oh, Damn!” Mac was suddenly very close to her, peeking over her shoulder and she hadn't noticed it. 

“Oh Fuck off!” V lashed out and gave Mac a rough shove laughing. “You're a fuckin' asshole.” Ugh! V quickly deleted the start of her reply and pressed a button darkening the display as she shoved her phone in her pocket. Mac was just laughing.

“Fuel load's dropping quickly. Patch must've failed or we sprung another leak.” The driver of the recovered tanker announced over the com.

“We'll pull over, check it out and try another quick patch. Maintain distance. V, Mac.. check it out?” Mitch gave the order and V felt the van pull sharply to the side. 

“I got it, V's busy sending dirty messages to her output.” came Mac's reply over coms, which elicited a chorus of laughter and cat calls over the link.

“Oh _fuck you_ , Mac!” V's ears were burning again as she grabbed a tool kit and flung open the back door of the van. She was embarrassed, sure but all the teasing and shit talking was friendly in nature. They were her new family, it's just how things worked. She stepped off the bumper of the van as it rolled to a stop on the side of the road, still holding on to the door as she stepped behind it to hold it open for Mac. “Come on, let's check out this tanker.” Mac Stepped out and behind her grinning like a devil. “asshol...” 

The world lit up briefly before going dark. There was a flash of pain and V felt like she was flying, and falling. Distantly she heard a muffled scream. Was it distant? It sounded oddly close yet still far away. It was her. She was screaming? Was it? She couldn't tell. She couldn't see. Her optical implants had gone mostly dark and static covered what was left of her vision. Rocks? Dirt. Pain. Oh God the pain! Then darkness.

Suddenly V was back at Laguna Bend, sitting on the dock with Judy. Just sitting and looking out at the water and the trash covered shore. It was oddly pretty and peaceful, despite the trash. She could still hear that distant scream, it was even quieter now. “Wish I could stay but, it's time for me to go, Jude.” She said, and felt oddly sad. This wasn't a sad moment. This was one of the best moments she could remember. Judy looked at her, those beautiful eyes searching for something. 

The screaming stopped.

“Stay.” That was all V heard from Judy before the world plunged into darkness again. 

V Jerked awake, she was in a tent? She squinted her eyes against the bright sun streaming in through the open flap. V remembered this. “What's goin' on with you V?” Panam's voice drew her attention. “Was worried sick.” V stood, shaky on her feet as she wobbled her way to the exit. “V, stay with us. You're practically family already.” V shook her head.

“Look who decided to wake up.” Mitch walked up smiling. “You planning on sticking around with us for a while?” 

“Can't.” V said, her throat felt oddly tight. She had things she still had to take care of. “Wish I could, but I gotta go.” Why? Why couldn't she just stay?

Darkness.

She was sitting on a rooftop, Phone in her hand. Judy's image in her view. It was the end of a conversation. “... I'm here waitin'” Judy.

Inside Mikoshi, She climbs into the well. “Johnny...” The man offers her the smallest of smiles. Damn she missed him sometimes, as annoying as he was, as much of an asshole the man was. He had still become a friend. 

“Never stop Fighting, V.” Johnny's words echoed as he pushed her gently into the well and the world went dark.

Death.

Judy... V tried to gasp, but she couldn't pull air in. There was pressure and pain. She barely heard someone shouting her name. It was close but sounded so far away. She tried to say something but nothing was working. So much pain. A hand.. in hers? Reflexively her hand tried to hold on. Nothing was working right, she tried this time. She heard. Her fingers twitched. Once.. Twice. She knew that hand. Her eyes fluttered slightly, but everything was dim and covered in static. Was it really Judy this time? Really? She tried to squeeze the hand again and managed a stronger twitch. It took everything she had to do that and she slipped back into the darkness.

  
  


Life.

A real gasp this time, and pain screamed through her body before dulling to loud yell. Someone had hit her? She sucked in air greedily, the pressure on her chest gone. Ow. Pain. She could hear voices around her, tense. She could only make out a few words here and there. Everything sounded so damn far away. Everything was dark, dim, and covered with static. What the fuck had happened? Where was she? She was moving. Being moved? She felt the hand in hers slip away. No! She tried to yell. To demand the hand back. But all that came out was a weak gurgle that she felt rather than heard. She couldn't breathe. Something was caught in her throat and she couldn't breathe! She coughed and the pain exploded once more. Fuck. This was bad. But she could breathe again, and she tried to reach for the hand back. Tried to grab for it. FUCK! Nothing was working right. Why wasn't anything working? She was moving again, being dragged. She was dying. Had she already died? She didn't want to die. She wasn't ready to die. Not now that she actually had a chance at a good life. No! Fuck that shit!

  
  


She really wished she could make out what the voices around her were saying. She felt herself being moved again. She caught glimpses of her surroundings through the static. Metal. She felt the people moving around her. She caught snippets of the conversation. The voices were tense, rushed. She felt herself being moved and jostled around. Darkness again. Fuck, that was annoying.

There was a brief flash and V's vision returned.. It was still fuzzy and covered in static but it wasn't dark. Holy shit, thank fuck! She could see! She watched the medtech pull away from her face a bit. He must have done something to her implant. She didn't have full vision, she could tell. It was like looking around with one eye shut. But it was something at least. There was something on her face.. She could see it out of the corner of her eye. She reached up to try and pull it off.. but.. Ugh. She forgot.. nothing worked. She looked around, confused by her surroundings.. Medtruck? Why? Why did everything hurt? Her gaze stopped when it found Judy. She looked worried.. and so, so sad. Someone had upset her. V reached out for her with both arms. Judy looked like she needed a hug.

  
  


V blinked. One arm didn't move too well, she was trying to reach for Judy but she couldn't move it very far. But, the thing that caught her attention the most, when she reached for Judy though, was the fact that her left arm... was gone. There was nothing below her elbow, except for a mess. What the fuck? Someone had taken her arm? Who the fuck does that? Who just takes someone's arm? She was going to find whoever it was and take her damn arm back.. and then beat them to death with it. She tried to get up to do just that.

  
  


Suddenly Judy was much closer, and leaning over her. V could feel the pressure of Judy's hands on her shoulders, holding her back. She vaguely heard words but they were hard to make out. She looked up at Judy and concentrated. Judy wanted her to calm down. Calm down and look at her. Holy shit she could get lost in those eyes. Even with all the sadness they currently held. V couldn't help but just stare. She looked so upset and worried. V couldn't take her eyes off of the woman. Judy smiled even as she cried when V looked at her. Judy was talking to her but V couldn't understand what she was saying. She only managed to pick a few things out. “It's gonna be okay Val, You're gonna be okay. I love you.” She tried to say it back, She really did but she couldn't make the words come out. She just gurgled and coughed. Judy nodded to someone on the other side of the bed. The corner of V's vision caught a hand pressing an air hypo to her chest. What!? Why!? She felt suddenly heavy, she felt the darkness pressing in on her again. No! No, no! She looked back at Judy, disbelieving. She didn’t want to go! She wanted to stay. She tried to grab at Judy’s hand again. She tried to hold on.

Then there was darkness.


	3. Lost and Found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to Hackworksubleis and everyone in Lizzie's bar for their help and encouragement! Without them this wouldn't have ever been posted.

Judy had found V. Judy managed to find her by accident. She wasn't entirely sure what she felt about a higher power, or God, or.. whatever. She had never been particularly religious, but when she felt V squeeze her hand she couldn't help but throw a silent 'thank you' to whoever or whatever greater power there was, if there was one. A thank you for letting her find V. A thank you that the woman was still alive. She had to believe that V was still alive, and that those hand twitches were more than just a dying body's reflexes. Judy wasn't sure she could handle that, not after everything they'd been through. All the scares they’d had. The close calls. All the time limits that they had been up against in the past, and beat. 

The idea that she had found V with enough time to feel her move but still too late was... No. She wouldn't let her thoughts wander there. She couldn't. It was too much. It would break her. Right now she did not have time to be broken. V didn't have time for her to be broken. So Judy would not let her mind go there. V was here. She was not lost. She was alive. Judy had found her. She would be okay. This time, the lost person Judy found would not die.

It took everything Judy had to pull her hand away from V's. The Idea that V would die if she let go of her hand threatened what little control she had over her emotions. She stubbornly pushed that thought away and shifted to help Mitch and the med-tech move the large rock pinning V. As soon as the rock was gone, Judy's hand went right back to V's remaining hand. She couldn't stop the tears that fell when V took in a small gasp of air after the med-tech jabbed her with the air hypo. _ Oh thank fuck! _ “I'm here V. I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm here. We've got you.”

Getting V and Mac back up the steep hill proved to be a bit of a challenge, but they managed it very carefully. Judy had to once again let go of V's hand so they could pull her up. When she finally made it to the top herself she found most of the recovery crew gathered around the two found survivors. She was back at V's side in an instant. It was only when she saw V moving slightly that she finally let out a breath she'd been holding.

“Best bet is getting them to the city.” Judy overheard the med-tech talking to Panam. “Quicker access to parts and probably don't already have a tent full of other injured. Plus, it's a lot closer.” One tech nodded at the other and they were moving towards the medtruck with V and Mac.

“Looks like I'm driving.” Panam grabbed the keys to the truck from one of the med-techs leaving Judy to help them get the injured into the back. 

With both the survivors strapped in and the truck already on the move Judy made her way back to V's bedside. She finally let herself fully take in V's state. Fuck. Oh.. Valerie. She gave her head a shake, eyes flicking to the monitors that the tech was hooking up to her. “I need to do something.” She choked out. The tech just nodded and pointed to a cabinet telling her to get some gowns. She did.. She handed one over to the tech who was working on Mac. She held the other out to the tech working on V. The man just shook his head. 

“Set it down over there. Help me get her out of this jacket. Can't cut it.” Judy let out a breath at that. armored jacket. She clung to the fact that she'd seen that jacket in action before and maybe.. maybe that gave V just enough of a chance. Come on V. She helped the tech carefully lift V's upper body just a little to get the jacket off, then eased her back down to the bed. Then they got to the rest of V's clothing. Cutting it around the places where the fabric had melted into the skin. The tech handed the destroyed clothing over to Judy. She pulled the plastic bag open and pulled out the gown, draping over V.

Judy took a step back to let the tech have space to work. “How..Is she?” She couldn't stop herself from asking. She wasn't even sure she actually wanted an honest answer to that question. She just needed to hold on to the hope that V would be alright. The worried look the tech shot at her only made her regret asking. 

“I'm doing what I can.” Is all he had to offer her. His voice tense. “She's a fighter, Jude.” His tone was soft this time and Judy couldn't take it. She turned her head away reaching up to wipe at her tears. She nodded, still not looking at him. V was a fighter. The man was right. She would fight and if V had it in her, she'd claw her way back. Judy had to hold on to that thought. 

She picked up the bag she'd pulled the gown out of and started carefully placing the remains of V's clothing inside it. She had to do something with her hands other than brace herself against the bumps of the road. She gave up on trying to fold the scraps of fabric that used to be V's shirt and just shoved them in the bag. She had slightly more success with the jacket. The pants just ended up getting shoved into the bag on top of the jacket. She eyed the bag of clothes and then shifted her gaze to V. V laying there burnt and broken. What the hell had happened?

She felt so useless. Just standing here watching and hoping. She hated it. Not being able to do anything to help, not being able to fix it was unbelievably frustrating, and infuriating. She crossed her arms, wincing a little and finally looking down at herself. Damn. She didn't even realize how scraped up she'd gotten. She made her way over to a cabinet and pulled out one of the kits to start taking care of at least the visible scrapes and cuts. At least it gave her something to do. 

A sudden movement from V caught her attention and she let out a small gasp when her eyes met V's one open eye. V was looking directly at her. She seemed at least somewhat aware. More tears came, though she smiled through them. V was awake again and that absolutely gave Judy some hope. There was still so much damage, but open eyes... eye was a good sign right? “Hey...” V reached for her and Judy glanced towards the med-tech as she took a step towards V. Then V started trying to get up, fighting against the straps that were keeping her from being bounced out of the bed by the moving truck. Shit. “Hey.. hey hey.” Judy rushed forward and gently put her hands on V's shoulders, trying not to hurt her any more than she already was. “V. Easy.. Come on.. You're going to hurt yourself. Calm down, V.. Look at me.” And V did. Their eyes met and V settled down. Judy couldn't help but smile at that. She couldn't stop the small sob either. “It's gonna be okay V, You're gonna be okay. I love you.” She hoped with her entire heart that that was the truth.

“I'm going to knock her out, She's going to do more damage like this.” The med-tech said as V started coughing and looking like she was trying to speak. “She's getting worked up and spiking everything.” Judy glanced over at the man and just nodded, her lips pressed together. She didn't like it. She wanted to see V awake and alert. For some reason her mind told her it was less likely for V to slip away like that. But, the med-tech was a med-tech for a reason. 

The look V gave her as the sedative took hold nearly broke Judy. She let her head drop forward and stayed like that for a few moments. Fuck. “I'm .. gonna go see how close we are.” The look V gave her seemed... betrayed. Judy wasn't sure about what... but it hurt. She grabbed the bag of V's clothes and made her way through to the front of the truck and flopped down in the passenger seat. “How far out are we?” She glanced over at Panam only to see the woman quickly wiping at her own cheeks. “They're both alive.” She added leaning her head against the passenger window. 

“We're about ten minutes out.” Panam glanced over at Judy quickly. “I called ahead. They're ready for us. We're gonna stop off with V at one and then the techs are going to take Mac to a nearby doc. We've used them both in the past. They're some of the best.” Judy noticed the woman's frown. “She's gonna be okay?” It was half statement and half question.

Judy tried to answer, she opened her mouth to respond and then just let out a defeated little sigh. She was in pain, and both physically and mentally exhausted. “I... She has to be.” Judy shook her head. 

“How are you?” Judy looked down at herself again at Panam's question. She was a mess. Her pants and shirt were torn and bloody. Whatever skin was exposed was scraped and cut. Judy just snorted.

“Shitty.” Judy responded, her voice still rough. “I don't know...She had just been sending me messages.” Oh shit.. here it all came. “I thought I'd said something she couldn't figure out how to respond to...” Fuck, now the flood gates were open and she couldn't stop it. “I was fucking laughing about it. That it was taking her so long to respond. While she was...” Judy flapped a hand towards the back of the truck. “I...”

“You didn't know...” Judy just sighed and looked back over at Panam. Not knowing didn't change anything about it at all in Judy's mind.

The rest of the trip passed by in silence, Judy hugged the bag of V's destroyed clothes to her chest. It was catching up to her now that she was sitting. Everything moved in a blur once they got to the doc with V. Rushing her out of the truck and into the clinic, while the two med-tech's rushed Mac to another nearby ripper. Once V was in, under the doc's care Judy finally let herself breathe a bit more. Not that she didn't trust the nomad med-techs, they were amazing. They just weren't equipped to fix V. But now? Now came the waiting. Judy had never ever been good at waiting. She found a seat in the waiting area and leaned back against the wall. She was sore from the run down the hill and the climbs back up, and she was starting to feel the sting of the scrapes and cuts. She let out a grunt and turned her head towards the door to the room that V was in. They were trying to put her back together in there and Judy had no idea what was going on.

Panam was just pacing back and forth, and Judy watched her for a moment. It was driving her crazy and was not helping her anxiety at all. She narrowed her eyes at the other woman and bit back the urge to snap at her. “You know...” She started and unwrapped one hand from around the bag of V's clothes, reaching over to pat the chair next to her. “V never really told me exactly how the two of you met. Just that you guys helped each other with some jobs. Never really got the full story.” Maybe talking would distract the Nomad leader from her pacing... hell Maybe hearing the story would help distract Judy from what was going on in that other room with V. It was going to be a long day if they just stayed here silently waiting.

Panam stopped and eyed Judy for a moment and then sighed before moving over to sit. Judy just waited for the other woman to speak. She’d started to doubt that Panam would when she heard a small chuckle from the Aldecaldos leader. “Fucking Rogue.” Panam started the story in a way that Judy wasn't exactly expecting. Her eyebrows knit together, confused. She waited for Panam to continue. Panam glanced at Judy, and seemed to recognize the confusion. “Rogue was my fixer at the time, set me up with a Raffen partner for a job. Surprise Surprise! The fucker backstabs me and takes the goods  _ and _ my truck. So I am trying to get it back, the car I... uh... borrowed shits out on me and I get a call from this solo says she knows where the goods and my truck are and that Rogue told her I could work with her.” Panam rolled her eyes and looked over at Judy shaking her head.

“V?” Judy assumed the solo that Panam was talking about was V but, never hurt to clarify, and to let the other woman know she was actually listening. She was truly curious about this story.

Panam nodded at Judy. “Yeah. I was so pissed, but I told her where I was and kept trying to fix the damn car. Next thing I know I hear this bike come screaming to a stop and I hear her walk up behind me.” Panam smirked. “So I let her stand there for a bit, and when I finally turn around...” Panam shook her head laughing softly. “... I see the scrawniest looking solo I've ever fucking seen. She's standing there with this cocky ass expression on her face. I nearly lost it. She looked like a strong breeze would knock her flat on her ass. I'm already pissed about my truck. I'm pissed about losing the package.” Judy laughed softly at Panam’s description of V. She kept the smile as Panam got into the story. She watched the clan's leader gesturing at the air. “I'm pissed about being partnered with a Raffen in the first place, and that he betrayed me. So, I'm standing there looking at V thinking.. that bitch sends me  _ this _ fuckin' gonk?” 

Panam took a long pause and Judy was just about to urge her to continue. “So we go back and forth, yelling at each other a bit and finally agree that she'll help me and I'll help her.. But I make her tell me where my truck is first. Idiot. I take her back to camp fully intending to get some real help from the family and leave her ass out there in the badlands.” Both of Judy's eyebrows shot up at that little admission of Panam's, and Panam only shrugged in response.

“She really didn't fit the picture of the standard Night City merc back then, did she?” Judy said, hugging the plastic bag of clothes a bit tighter. She looked at the door between the waiting area and where V was being treated. “She still doesn't, not really.” She spent a moment wondering what was going on on the other side of those doors. Surely if anything were going wrong someone would come out and tell them. So, as far as Judy was concerned, as long as no one came out of the room, everything was still going okay.

Panam shook her head. “No she did not. Not at all. Long story short None of the clan could help, so I was stuck taking V along anyway. The whole way there I'm so annoyed. I'm thinking this woman is not going to be any help. I'm going to be stuck doing most of the work and she's going to claim the credit and demand I help her still and..” Judy looked back at Panam when she heard the woman laugh again. “I was very wrong.”

“When the time came, I barely had a chance to do much of anything before V had just... taken care of them all. She took almost all of them down without ever firing a shot.” Panam shook her head. “I couldn't believe it. After they were all on the ground she hopped down and stopped by each one, making sure they were done. She was like a completely different person. It was a little scary, if I'm being honest.” Judy only gave a little shrug when Panam winced at her. “Guess.. that's not the nicest thing to end a story on. But, either way, from that point on we just, kind of became best friends.” 

Panam's nose wrinkled up and she bowed her head, bringing a hand up to pinch at the bridge of her nose. “The main point is, I've seen that woman pull off things that you would never think possible. She has never let me down. She was always there when I needed her help.”

Judy understood what Panam was trying to say, and it made her smile. “Yeah I've seen her do some incredible things, too.” sneaking through a Scav infested building to find and rescue Evelyn was the first thing to come to Judy's mind. They both fell silent for a long time. The silence was nice at first but then Judy's mind started drifting towards the darker 'what ifs'. She couldn't let herself go down that rabbit hole right now. 

Judy needed another distraction. “She's absolutely terrible at cooking.” Judy found herself blurting out to Panam. “She called me one time while I was at work, it was weird. She was being really weird. So I knew somethin' was up. When I got home... The kitchen was just...” Judy faltered a little trying to find the right word. “I don't even think there's a word for how fucked up my kitchen was. I wanted to strangle her. But I couldn't even stay mad. She was just so... fuckin' adorable.” Judy couldn't help but just smile and shrug. “She looked so proud of herself. So I sat down.. she served me the dinner she cooked. She was nervous as hell. It was... sweet.” Judy grinned at Panam. “It was... terrible. I'm honestly still not even sure what it was supposed to be. But I didn't have the heart to tell her that. Not with the way she was looking at me. So.. ate it. When she asked me how it was I said it was nice.” Judy leaned her head back against the wall again. “It broke her heart a little, I think, she knew I was lying and decided she was going to order a pizza. She's really cute when she pouts though. I tried to teach her how to cook after that but..” Judy shook her head. “Never really took. She's basically hopeless when it comes to cooking. Unless it's real simple.”

Judy was glad to pass the time telling and listening to stories. Stories that had V in them and many that didn't. It helped to keep other worries from gaining too much traction. Judy needed that.A couple hours into the shared stories Panam had to excuse herself to make a call and check on Mac. Judy was left to wait on her own for a while. She found her eyes drawn back to the door to the procedure room. As long as V and the doc were in there, V was okay. As long as that door stayed shut, there was hope that she hadn't lost V yet. Judy blew out a breath and shook her head. No more distractions for now. Fuck. She glanced down at the bag of clothes in her hands and opened it up. She reached in to pull the jacket out. It was mostly intact. The sleeves of the thing took most of the damage. She pulled the jacket fully out of the bag. The pants that had been on top of the jacket tumbled out of the bag and hit the floor with a small little thunk. 

The sound the tattered pants made when they hit the floor made Judy stop and frown down at them. “The hell?” Some sort of equipment in the pocket? She set the jacket aside and reached down for the pants to pick them up as Panam came back in. “How's Mac?” Judy asked as she pulled the pants onto her lap. She watched Panam cross back over to the chair she had been into and shrug a little.

“He's stable. They're still working on him though said the doc seemed hopeful he'd at least survive.” Panam glanced towards the treatment room door. “No news yet?” Judy just shook her head as her hand idly fumbled with the pants, trying to find what had made that sound.

“They say no news is good news right? If something went wrong, they'd have come out and told us by now?” Judy just held on to that. The moment that door opened, it was either going to be good news or bad news. Once the news had been said... Judy didn't want to think about bad news. “I ever tell you V had a cat in Night City?” What was in V's pocket? She couldn't find anything. “Called him Nibbles. Never did say why she saddled the poor thing with that name.” She continued as her hand moved down to the cargo pocket on the pants. “sweet cat, so ugly it was cute. V was surprised how quickly...” and her words trailed off as she pulled a small jewelry box out of V's pants pocket. The hell is this? Her story forgotten, she slowly opened the box, curiosity getting the better of her. 

Judy sucked in a breath, both eyebrows shooting up. “Oh.” She just stared at the ring for a few moments. Her mouth hung open as she looked over at Panam. Panam looked just as surprised at Judy's find. Her eyes shifted back to the ring and she let out a shaky breath. Slowly she closed the ring box, her hands shaking just as much as her breath. “She better fucking survive this.” Her voice was heavy, pinched. She felt her throat tighten. She closed her eyes, her nose wrinkling as she tried to fight back the tears... “I'm....” She cut herself off, unable to really speak clearly.. She just pointed towards the door. Reluctantly she tucked the ring box back into the pants pocket, and the pants back into the bag of clothing. Then she made for the door. She couldn't help but feel like she'd found something she shouldn't have. At the same time she was glad she found it. She tried to steady her breathing. Slow breaths in.. Slow breaths out. “God damn it, Valerie.” Judy felt her head swimming and she sagged back against the wall just outside the door.

Suddenly her legs didn't feel like they could support her and she felt herself sliding down the wall to sit on the ground bringing her knees up to her chest and planting her elbows on top of them. She propped her head up on her hands. What if V didn't make it? The dam broke and Judy felt the tidal wave crash over her. She let herself just cry, she couldn't stop it now anyway. She let her forehead fall to her knees, and she clasped her hands behind her head as she gave in to the fear, and sadness.

Judy wasn't sure how long she sat there like that but after a while she felt an arm slip around her and she glanced over to find Panam next to her, also crying. That set her off again. She leaned into the nomad leader, V's best friend, and they cried. After the worst of the crying had subsided Judy took another deep breath and glanced back at Panam. “We should go back in.. In case.. in case there's news.” She stood up and reached down to help Panam up before heading back in.

Finally after a couple more hours of pacing and story telling and crying Judy heard the soft whoosh of the treatment room door. Anxiety gripped her stomach and she squeezed the bag of clothing harder against her. The ripper doc looked tired and unhappy. Fuck.. no. Judy watched the doc closely. The doc's eyes were downcast, her lips pressed tight and brow furrowed. Judy let out a small groan. She could already hear the bad news the doc was trying to figure out how to deliver. “No.” Judy's single word was barely above a whisper as she shook her head. She turned her head away from the ripper doc. She wasn't going to listen to this.

“She's stable... for now.” Judy's eyes snapped back to the doc.

“She's alive?” Both Judy and Panam asked at exactly the same time.

“Yes...” The reply was hesitant. “She is alive.. ” The doc shook her head. “There was... a lot of damage. Alot of internal repair and replacement.” She glanced between Judy and Panam. “Liver, Kidneys replaced. A whole list of other internal repairs.” The doc paused and sighed softly. “I had to stop. I didn't think she could take much more. She is  _ not  _ out of the woods yet. I don't understand how she made it here alive.” The doc looked uneasy. “Assuming she makes it through the night.” And the ripper doc's tone made it sound like it was a very real possibility that V might not make it through the night. “We want to wait for her to wake up, give her body time to rest and heal, she's been through a lot today. Once she wakes up we'll be able to see where to go from there, but it's going to be a lot.”

Judy just shook her head. “I just want her alive. I'm not worried about the rest right now.” Whatever they needed to do, she could worry about it later. All she heard was that V was alive, had lived through everything that had happened. She was alive and Judy wanted nothing other than to see her. It was all she could do not to shove the woman out of her way and bolt into the treatment room. Whatever else the doc had to say she could listen to later. “I need to see her... where is she?”

The doc faltered slightly, clearly she had been saying something that Judy had interrupted. She flicked a glance at Panam before looking back at Judy. “Like I just said... We have her set up in a small recovery room...” If this woman hadn't just saved V's life Judy may have just smacked the shit out of her. “She needs rest. But yes I can take you to see her, for a little bit.” Judy nodded and followed the doc when she started walking. For a little bit? Good luck getting her to leave that room once she was in there. 

The recovery room was more along the lines of a large closet than an actual room. The bed V was in and the monitors attached to it took up the bulk of it and the chair against the wall left barely enough room for one person in between it and the bed. Judy stepped in, Panam behind her. Judy smiled as she gently took hold of V's remaining hand. V was covered in bandages nearly head to toe, but she was breathing. She was alive. She damned well better stay that way. She smiled over at Panam and then at the ripper doc. “Thank you.”

“You good here?” Panam looked from V back up to Judy. “I need to go check on Mac, see how he's holding up. You good if I do that?” Judy just nodded. 

“I hadn't planned on going anywhere else.” The doc could say 'for a little bit' all she wanted, Judy wasn't going anywhere. “I'll be fine.” She paused. “Thanks, for stayin'. Let me know how Mac's doing?” The doc looked as if she were about to protest Judy staying, but Panam led her out of the room with questions. Judy hooked her foot around one of the chair's legs and pulled it closer to sit down. She wasn't quite ready to let go of V's hand just yet. “You've got this.” she whispered and leaned forward to gently kiss that hand. Judy scooted the chair as close as she could to the bed so she could sit back, hold V's hand and just look at her. Her eyes drifted shut and she shook herself back awake. She fought the battle against sleep for as long as she could before she finally drifted off. Whatever Panam had said to the doc had worked because no one came back to kick her out.

Judy woke up a few times throughout the night, both on her own and when assistants came to check on V. No matter how uncomfortable she was, and how much she tried to stay awake, she eventually drifted back to sleep. She was exhausted, mentally, physically, and emotionally. Judy slept.

A gentle shake of her shoulder woke Judy and she grunted softly. She still felt like she hadn't slept. Judy's eyes darted over to V, who was still asleep. The monitoring equipment wasn't sounding alarms. V was still alive, everything was okay. Judy reached up and rubbed her hand over her face. “What time is it?”

“Little after ten, good mornin’.” The young man smiled at Judy and nodded towards V. “She's holding on. That's good.” V had made it through the night. Now, she just had to wake up. Judy nodded and let out a breath. “You're friend's outside. Told me to come get you. 'sides we gotta run some checks on her. It'll be a little while.”

Judy was reluctant to leave, but she had to let the people do their work, and Panam was waiting for her. She gave V's hand light squeeze and nodded. “Hang in there.” She stood and grimaced. “Oh fuck...” She was sore, and stiff. She glared at the chair for a moment. She thanked the assistant again and headed out. Oh she felt like shit.

“You look like shit.” Judy just blinked at Panam, eyes narrowing. Panam didn't look any better than Judy felt.

“Thanks, you too.” Judy replied. Grumpy. Panam only grinned at her. “How's Mac?” She followed as Panam motioned her towards the door to the clinic, and accepted the small pack she was handed. “Thanks.” The bag of clothes went in the pack and Judy hissed as she slung it over her shoulder. “That chair is not comfortable at all.”

Panam smiled. “Mac is doing great. He's awake. We will probably be able to get him home in the next few days. He got lucky. Real lucky So, at least there's that.” Judy frowned. Why couldn't that have been V's story? She closed her eyes and gave her head a quick shake. “C'mon, you need food, there's a little market area around the corner. Won't be gone long.” Get those thoughts out of there. “V?”

“Still asleep. She made it through the night, so...” Judy couldn't keep the bitterness out of her tone, as much as she tried. Judy followed Panam out of the clinic and towards the market. She didn't like the idea of going too far away. But she told herself it would be fine. They weren't going that far away. She needed time out of that clinic. She squinted against the light outside, but the sun felt amazing. “That was a milestone the doc mentioned, making it through the night. Now she's just gotta wake up.” Judy pressed out a thin smile.

“She'll pull through, Jude. You know her.” That did actually get a full smile from Judy. A bullet to the head couldn't even keep V down for long. She felt a little better. “There's a noodle stand, What do you want? I'll get it. You look around, see if you can find a change of clothes.” Judy looked down at what she was wearing. Yeah she probably needed a change of clothes. 

“Just.. surprise me.” She suddenly realized she was starving. Judy offered Panam one more smile. “Thanks. Need anything while I'm looking around?” Panam just shook her head and made off towards the noodle stand. Judy nodded and made her way through the market stalls. It wasn't terribly different from the little markets all over Night City. She made her way through, scanning the stalls to find a clothing stall. A small stall selling little figures and toys and various other novelty items caught her attention first. She chuckled softly as she eyed a few of the things and shook her head. Clothes, she was looking for clothes. 

Finally she found a clothing stall and she didn't really care what she got as long as it wasn't horrible. She'd be sitting in a clinic room for most of the time she'd be here anyway, what did it really matter? She ended up getting a few pairs of pants and some t-shirts. Nothing special, nothing flashy, just clothes. A couple changes for herself, and a pair of pants and a shirt for V when she woke up. V would need something to wear. New clothes settled, she looked around and saw Panam still waiting by the noodle stand. Still a little time to look around then. 

Judy found herself drawn back towards the first stall that caught her attention. Her eyes settled on a little empty flower pot with a button on the top. She tilted her head and pressed the button, and jumped slightly when a little holographic flower popped up and started dancing and singing. It held a sign that said 'Get Well Soon'. She grinned a little at it. “That's kind of cute.” She guessed that since the market was near several clinics it made sense for them to have stuff like that. She considered getting the little dancing flower for a moment but looked around to see what else was on offer first. Her eyes settled on a small stuffed cat. “Perfect.” She forgot all about the dancing singing flower and bought the stuffed cat. She shoved it in her pack along with the clothes and headed towards Panam. Getting out of the clinic was nice, but she was ready to go back and check on V. She was also starving.

Once back at the Judy nodded towards the bathroom. “I'm going to see if I can get cleaned up a little and change.” She still had scrapes and cuts that she hadn't really tended to. “Why don't you go check on V while I do that?” Judy figured Panam could also use a little time with her best friend, even if V wasn't awake for it. She made her way to a bathroom. She pulled the new clothes out, and smiled when she spotted a small bag Panam must have put in the backpack. Soap, toothbrush, toothpaste all the essentials. “You are a wonderful woman, Panam.” Judy told the empty room. At least she'd feel a little cleaner, and clean out the cuts and scrapes a little.

It took a while but finally Judy felt a little more human, wasn't much she could do about her hair right now, but she was thankful for what she was able to do. Panam was right, a change of clothes did make her feel a little better. She headed back to the room they had V set up in and poked her head in. Panam glanced over and smiled. “Just letting her know how Mac was doing.” Panam said. “Don't know if she can hear it, but figured she'd want to know.”

“She would.” Judy stepped into the room. “Sorry I didn't think of it..” Judy eyed the small tray Panam had managed to get into the room. Huh! “Where'd that come from?”

“I asked nicely.” Panam got up, headed for the door. “I should get back to Mac, though. Keep me updated? Let me know when she wakes up?” Then she was gone and Judy was left alone with V.

Judy slipped the pack off her shoulder and tucked it in the far corner of the room. She pulled out the small stuffed cat she bought and tucked it in next to V before she grabbed the box of noodles off the tray and dug in. Even though she was starving she couldn't finish the whole thing, and she was getting tired again. The adventure of going out, the roller coaster of the past couple days, and the terrible quality of the sleep she did manage to get caught up with her and her finally full stomach. She set the rest of the noodles on the food tray and let herself sleep again, her head resting on a small bit of free space of V's bed.

A soft grumble and a shake brought Judy out of her sleep. She groaned softly. It felt like she'd been asleep for a whole five whole seconds. She answered the grumble with a grumble of her own as she tried to get  _ back  _ to sleep. 

“Ugh.. Stupid.. son'uv a bitch.” Judy just chuckled, still half asleep. Something was annoying V... Her eyes snapped open and she looked up to see V struggling to eat the leftover noodles with her right hand. V was awake! It was everything Judy could do not to just throw her arms around her injured lover. Instead she just laid there for a moment, tears welling in her eyes as she watched V finally manage a fork full of noodles into her mouth. It was perhaps the most amazing thing she'd ever seen.

“Are you eating my noodles?” Judy's voice cracked slightly. 

“I'm trying to.” Judy's eyes closed briefly when V replied. She let out a choked sound that was somewhere between a sob and a laugh. Relief. “But my good hand is gone, and this one and I are having a disagreement on where the food goes.” Judy wasn't sure she could smile any more if she tried.

Judy grunted softly as she finally sat up. “No one woke me up.” She said and reached for the noodle box and the fork. “Where'd you even get a fork?” 

“Couldn't use the chopsticks, So they got me a fork.” V frowned at her when she took the noodles. “I told them not to wake you up, you looked tired. Figured you needed the sleep.” Judy could see V's pout even through the bandages. She spun the fork around, gathering up a small bundle of noodles easily. “Show off.”

Judy handed the fork over, and V took it, ate and handed it back. They repeated that process until the noodles were gone. Judy did manage to steal a few bites for herself, though. “I'm glad you came back.” Judy said as she set the empty box aside. She took V's hand and just held onto it. There would be time to talk about everything that happened later, right now she was just enjoying the fact that V was alive, and awake. Whatever it took to get her better, they could get through it. Judy just grinned as she sat back down. Judy had found hope again. 

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to Centauri2002, Hexpresso, Zer0Fahrenheit, and Greendot for their feedback and advice.


End file.
